Sunday

Bar Scene Blogfest

This one is hosted by Tara, at t-fouts. I pulled the scene out of my first WiP,  Driven. One day I plan on getting back to it. One day. The entire WiP has since been rewritten all in 1st pov (Chloe). This has fun pov jumping and tense jumping. What can I say, it was my first draft of my first novel...

This scene is about 800 words, kinda long - sorry, and comes on the heels of this one. There's also a little background in that link, as well.

*snip removed by blog owner*

22 comments:

Piedmont Writer said...

That was great! I so loved that twist at the end. Justly deserved.

Talli Roland said...

I like!

Especially the fact that it's written very convincingly from a man's point of view. Nice flow and good mix of internal dialogue and dialogue.

sarahjayne smythe said...

Hee! I love that ending. Perfect. :)

Lola Sharp said...

Oh that ending. Way to leave us hanging.
Great job.
CONGRATS on 100 followers!

Hey, you haven't entered my Wolfpack contest...get on it, girl.

Hope things are going okay this weekend.

Tara said...

Thanks ladies :)
I liked the ending here, too. Poor guy. He's been in love with her since they were kids - but he gets his kiss eventually ;)

Lola - I know, I plan to. Just have to get in here and post the link and blog about it, then I'll be over. Maybe tomorrow if I can get my head into it. Thanks.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Good for you for participating in two!

Shelley Sly said...

Ooh wow! How steamy! And I agree, very believable from a male POV. Well done, Tara!

Amalia T. said...

Oof! Poor man! So close! That's a cruel ending to the scene! He's got a great voice-- I love the images that flash before his mind's eye of her taking off her helmet and swinging her legs over the door of the racecar. Great scene!

Roland D. Yeomans said...

Isn't that always the way? Go where you shouldn't, and reality always bursts your bubble. Love the unexpected ending.

Thanks for dropping my blog and leaving your lovely comment. After enduring the long silence from 4 agents looking at my full, a pat on the back was deeply appreciated.

Have an unusually fun week, Roland

Raquel Byrnes said...

OH, SNAP! So close...I feel for the guy. The internal struggle, the longing, and then the great ending. Good job.

Iapetus999 said...

I think this would have been better in the Almost Kiss Blogfest :)
Totally hooked me. They are both playing with fire here...I hope something comes from this!
Also like the whole racecar aspect of it. Vroom!
More please!

Critique_This_WIP said...

:-D Serves him right! LOL good piece for the fest! Loved it!

Alyson said...

Aaaahhh! I need more! That was great!

I have an award for you on my blog. Come check it out when you have a chance!

Guinevere said...

Love it! Especially the end!

Susan Fields said...

You are an awesome writer! This was another fantastic scene that absolutely held me from start to finish - love it!

Tara said...

Susan - Can I keep you? LOL. Seriously, thanks, your kind words mean a lot :)

Guinevere - Thanks. You signed up, but didn't do one. I missed it.

Alyson - Thanks, on both counts.

CTW (is this Courtney?) - Glad you liked it. Similar, eh ;)

Iapetus - I hadn't seen the Kiss one, or I would have doubled this up ;) Yep, it's a whole book about racing.

Raquel - Thanks, I felt for him, too. He's got a bad rep in the town, but he's really not a bad guy.

Roland - Thanks. His bubble gets blown back up and not burst soon.

Amalia - These two both get hot and bothered thinking about the other racing.

Shelley - Thanks. I'm hoping the male pov works: I'm thinking of going back to using both for this eventually.

Alex - Well, both were already written scenes, so I kinda cheated ;)

justwritecat said...

Oh sure, leave us hanging... :)

Seriously, that's a great way to end the scene. Perfect.

Cat

The Alliterative Allomorph said...

Very nice! You have a very confincing male voice. Good on you!

Tara said...

Cat - Well, just after this he tosses her over his shoulder and puts her in the car - that's the real end...

Allit. - Thanks, much appreciated :)

Elizabeth Poole said...

"She said it so confidently he stepped forward. His first mistake."

I loved this line! And I also loved how the entire scene unfolded. Great job!

And I didn't feel like this scene was too long either, so no worries about word count.

EP said...

I loved this--very good male POV, it seems to me. I especially liked this line:

"Forever, it seemed, he'd been wanting to rescue that plump bottom lip from those teeth--with his tongue."

Carolin Seidenkranz said...

I'm late, but I really love it. It gets really fast paced and intense towards the end, though the last sentence made me groan. *g*

Good job!