Tuesday

"Let's Talk"



Day two of the week an already another blogfest. This will probably be my last for a while. I love them a little too much, and I am going to have to slow way down on blog time to concentrate on the finishing touches of my WiP. My aim is to get it out before the end of June.

So, the "Let's Talk" Blogfest is being hosted by Roni at Fiction Groupie. It's all about dialogue. (I heart dialogue.)

This scene is from Roulette, and I have choppped it for the purposes of this fest (sorry if it reads choppy!). Trying to keep it down to the dialogue. It's the middle of the night after Jake and Kasia's first time (Kasia's first time altogether), and this scene got the axe from the WiP, but I liked it too much not share somewhere.

Roulette


     I tried to pay attention to the planets and constellations as Jake pointed them out, but the gentle lapping of the ocean onto the shore, and the warmth of his body around mine, lulled me to the edge of sleep.
     "You okay?" He tucked a wisp of hair behind my ear.
     "Mmm." I snuggled deep, nose nuzzled into his neck. "Tell me about your first time."
     The vibrations of a silent chuckle echoed against my shoulder.
     "You're not every girl I've ever met." He let out a muffled snort. "Hell, you're not any girl I've ever met."
     I removed my nose from his warmth and tilted my head to look into his glittering baby-brown's.
     "Reason 9,034 that I love you," he said.
     "All this time and you've only gotten to 9,000?" I mimicked Klara's pout-lip move.
     This time he laughed out loud, prompting a bird from a nearby palm to flutter away.
     "No, that's just all I can put my finger on - so far."
     "Stop avoiding."
     "Right." His eyes grew dark, scanning the ocean for a long moment, before the fireworks returned to brighten them. "Believe it or not, it was more pathetic than ours." Even lying down he managed his half-shrug. "I promise, I usually have a little more, uh, staying power."
     "Considering how long you've been patiently waiting," I stretched up to kiss the tip of his now-pink nose, "three minutes was impressive."
     More vibrations pulsated my shoulder, then he rolled to his back, hands behind his head. I propped myself with an elbow, as I traced the faint trail of dark curls below his navel.
     "Let me guess…she was tall and blonde?"
     He offered the grin that made me want to smack him and ravage his body at the same time.
     "That easy, am I?"
     "Easy? You made me beg for months before you finally let me have my way with you."
     "Was I right, Kasz?" In one swift motion he rolled back to his side, palm smoothing over the curve of my waist before he firmed its grip and pulled me against him. His now blazing eyes locked into my soul.
     "Entirely." Powerless to look away, I bit hard onto the insides of my cheeks and tried to remember to breathe.
     His own breath warm on my face, he stared into my eyes, wordless, searching for signs I'd retreat inside myself at his serious turn. His soft kiss on my forehead sent chills through my body.
     "The act itself was always purely physical. After, I just felt…I don't know…" he trailed off, running a hand through his wild hair. "Empty."
     Not trusting my voice, I let my fingertips glide up his back, over his shoulder and neck until they reached his lips. My thumb outlined them, drawing a smile across as it moved.
     "Everything's so different with you." His voice was a whisper. "I found my forever."
     I wanted so badly to open my mouth and tell him I understood. But try as I might, the words refused to leave my lips. A gentle finger landed across them, instead.
     "It's enough to know you're trying to say it."
     "Will it hurt if we do it again, do you think?" I asked.
     "Probably. I can wait." The words were sure, but his hope, pressed solid between us, betrayed him.
     "I don't think I care." My hips tilted forward, inviting.
     "Jesus, Kasz." He moved down, our bodies melding into one. "I don't think I do either."
     I dug sharp fingernails into his shoulders. The air squeezed from my lungs as his weight pressed me into the blanket, molding my body into the still sun-warmed sand.
     "I'm sorry," he said.
     "Never be." My words came breathy and uneven; he deserved more of them. "You're mine, too."

***UPDATE***
Since there are SO many people signed up, I am going to start my reading rounds with everyone commenting on mine. I always make sure to read every entry to any blogfest I participate in, so then I will head to the list - but it will take a couple days to get to everyone! Wow, this was a popular one!

56 comments:

stu said...

This is nice, I like the back and forth feel of the banter between the two of them.

Piedmont Writer said...

Oh, sex first thing in the morning. Yay. This was great. Not having known Kasia was a virgin before, this makes Roulette a whole lot more for me. This is such a great book! I can't wait until it gets published.

Slamdunk said...

Engaging dialogue. I may use the 9,000 ways thing on the Mrs.--when I am not feeling creative that is.

I did get around to thanking you and answering the tagged questions from last week:

http://feelofsomethingnew.blogspot.com/2010/05/tag-im-it.html

Thanks and enjoy your day.

propinquity said...

Tara, this is beautiful. I want to read everything you've ever written. Very good stuff.

Christine Danek said...

Now I want to know more of the story. Nice job!

Susan Fields said...

Awesome scene! Why didn't it make the final cut??? It should definitely be in there, it's too good not to.

Summer said...

Whew, I almost skipped this cuz I didn't want to read out of context; glad I noticed where you said it was axed!

Great job, though, Tara. As always, wonderful chemistry and interaction between Kasia and Jake. :-)

laurel said...

Nice mix of cuddly romantic and sexy desire. The banter between them flowed really well. If "his hope, pressed solid between us" means what I think it does, it's an elegant and very subtle way of describing, um...desire. :-D

Iapetus999 said...

Hmm...they seem awfully comfortable after their "first time"...esp since you make is sound like it didn't turn out so well. I feel like there should be a lot more insecurity in there. To me they sound way too comfortable like they've been around the block a few times. And talking about other experiences at this time...a little icky IMHO.
Just not feeling it :(
I did like the dialog though.

Falen said...

ooh nice scene!
I'm with piedmont - yay for sex!
loved the descriptions at the end

Eric W. Trant said...

Tara, Romantic with easy-flowing, playful dialogue.

Since it's a cut-piece, no sense critiquing, but funny how much we love some of our own slush, isn't it!

Kinda made me feel like a perv, though, reading it. I mean, I'm almost 40, and I'm reading about a ~virgin~!

YIKES! I can almost hear the sirens.

;)

- Eric

Tessa Conte said...

Great banter, funny and yet sweet... and sex on the beach for the first time? Good for them, even if it didn't turn out as expected. I'm guessing there's a lot of story gone before this, to make them so comfortable with each other?

I'll have to surf your site for more of this story!!!

Tara said...

Laurel - Yeah, it means that ;)

Summer - The "was I right" and "entirely" is a flashback play off the scene you'll be coming to next ;)

Susan - Word count. Word count. Word count. *sigh*

Thanks Christine.

Propinquity - Not sure about everything, lol. But, your comment meant a lot. Thanks.

SD - Go for it! Just make sure she doesn't read my blog ;)

Anne - Isn't morning sex the best...oh you mean to read ;p Yep, Kasia's my only virgin MC thus far. I can't wait til its published either. You're the best!

Stu - Thanks. They have a really playful and easy banter from the very start.

Tara said...

Tessa - Actually, they had walked down to the beach well after, so the beach will be the 2nd. Yep, they wait a good while for this.

Eric - rofl! She's 20, so at least of age, right?

Thanks Falen :)

Andrew - They've been together a very long time and are beyond comfortable with one another. It holds very true to the way they interact. Besides, it's not right after - that conversation happened inside. This was after hours had passed. Thanks for commenting, though.

Courtney Barr - The Southern Princess said...

I am with Summer - I almost skipped yours just in case!!

Love it though and really enjoyed a little insight into a scene that though deleted still shows character definition... ;o)


Visit My Kingdom Anytime

Lola Sharp said...

I love Jake. I love the way these two interact.

Like, Summer, I almost skipped this. I'm glad I didn't.

Nice job.
Love,
Lola

Abby Annis said...

Great scene! Excellent job conveying the emotion between them. :)

Will Burke said...

They do seem very comfortable for first-timers, but it's all about what serves the story, eh?
Reading all of the entries is pretty ambitious! Wish I had that kind of stamina.

Shelley Sly said...

I really like this! I've enjoyed every part of Roulette that I've read on your blog, and I like their relationship. You've got an awesome story here!

Angie said...

Nice job. I get a great sense of setting and character. Hard to believe it got cut.

Tara said...

Thank you Angie. It was a hard to decision, trust me.

Shelley - Awww! You are too sweet. Thank you so much for your comments :)

Will - Well, it's nowhere near his firt time ;)

Abby - Thanks.

Lola - Glad you like him. That's what I'm hoping for, for sure ;)

Courtney - You'll recognize right where it goes at some point :) Thanks.

Jemi Fraser said...

Nice dialogue :) I like the characters and can tell they've been through a lot to get to this point.

Sangu said...

This was nice and very engaging, shame it got cut!

Deniz Bevan said...

This was so sweet Tara! Why exactly did it get the axe? And wow on your for playing at the house party and commenting on all of these dialogues at the same time!

Jojomama said...

Good-- romanitic tension, sexiness--check. It plays out well but left me uneasy. Is he trustworthy--he's so mysterious and she's so naive.
Got me interested.

Tara said...

JoJo - I had to laugh: Jake is about as open book as they get. She's the mysterious one! This is just how they interact with one another.

Deniz - Hey girl! Axe - word count = sad, LOL. I'm sorry to have left Austin hanging at the houeparty. I'm on way back and if you haven't done it already, I'll have Hunter give out those guitar lessons. This back and forth is killin' me. Phew.

Thank you, Sangu :)

Jemi - Thanks, I'm glad someone can tell, lol. It's hard to take a snip from the last 3rd of the WiP and have people "get it".

Shelli said...

This isn't my genre, so I'm a bit of a fish out of water. Nice interaction overall. I found the section where he asked "Was I right?" a little confusing, maybe because I was missing backstory. And I would have liked to know her motivation behind asking about his first time. Is she insecure, jealous, wanting to compare to her first time? My favorite line was "I found my forever." I also like the follow up, "It's enough to know you're trying to say it." It shows a real intimacy.

VR Barkowski said...

Lovely scene, Tara. Sweet without being saccharine, romantic without being mushy, and sexy without being lewd. So glad you decided to share it.

Oh, and lest I forget, the dialogue was excellent!

Tina Lynn said...

Hello! That was awesome! I'm all shivery myself. Not often a girl gets that after her first time. Loungy time is rare. And on the beach? What a lucky girl.

Amalia T. said...

I'm so sad you had to cut this-- I feel like it's such a strong moment! And so cute. I think the dialogue in this is great--and next time I'd say feel free not to chop it down, because I could keep on reading happily! :)

Ju Dimello said...

I loved the 'chopped' scene :) Especially the hope pressing between them ;) That was truly an awesome description !!

Tara said...

Ju - I liked that one, too, Ju ;)

Amalia - How awesome are you! Thanks so much :)

Tina - Well, he does have a cottage on the beach ;)

VR - Thanks! I was going for just those things.

Shelli - Yeah, this is 2/3 of the way through the book, so they've had lots of relationship/background beforehand. Thanks for stopping by :)

Tricia J. O'Brien said...

I really like the way you've woven their long friendship into this new aspect of their relationship. Their dialogue and actions feel natural and touching. And I love those last lines.

DL Hammons said...

It almost a crime when such a great scene gets cut! Maybe it'll be in the DVD extra's one day??!!

DL Hammons said...

It's a crime when a great scene like that has to be cut! Maybe we'll see it in the DVD extra's one day?!?! :)

Margo Berendsen said...

I'm sorry you had to cut this scene, 'cause it's really well written. I loved the last line, especially the "he deserved more of them"

Hopefully you can find another home for this scene!

Bookewyrme said...

Great piece! You brought out the love between them very nicely. I still wonder a bit about his first time though! :D

~Lia

ralfast said...

This one is very popular, mine only got 4 responses, but then again it way down the list. Great stuff.

Roh Morgon said...

Wow.

This is one of the better scenes that I've read so far. Nice, sensuous piece without getting graphic.

Very nice!

Moira Young said...

Aww. This was very cute, and made me smile.

I can't think of what you could have cut out - it feels very tight.

And I have to agree with you - I'm going to take several days to get through them all, and I'm giving priority to those who comment on mine. (I feel that way about responding - comments deserve responses and acknowledgement unless you've reached a point that you can't respond to everything because you regularly get a lot.)

Tara said...

Moira - I cut just a bit of description, and some dialog that wouldn't have made any sense.

Roh - Wow, indeed. Your kind comment meant a lot :) Welcome to my blog (fellow NIN fan!).

ralfast - People are still going through the list - I think I have 40 to go, yikes. I'll be making my way to yours in a minute :)

Bookwyrme - Thank you. I suppose, for his first, he was a lot younger than she is here ;)

Margo - That was one of my fave parts, too. Kasia is rarely shows that side, but when she does she goes all the way. Thank you for the nice comment :)

DL - Thanks. I guess you could always let me know if there's a place for it ;)

Tricia - That's a hard thing to capture, so glad you saw it :)

Callie Forester said...

Really nice scene. I loved the interaction and ease between them. I really liked Jake acknowledging that maybe he wasn't so great that first time there. haha. These things take practice. lol. The fact that he says that tells me SO much about their relationship in such an subtle way.

I came away from this wanting to read more, which is a hard thing to accomplish when I'm jumping in the middle of a story I know nothing about. I thought the scene was extremely well done!

We're having another contest on our website if you want to shoot over. All you have to do is name the chimera. :) We've got some great prizes! Hope to see you over there. :)

Again, I really loved this scene, great job!

Genie of the Shell said...

Ooh, pillow talk! Way to handle a potentially awkward scene smoothly. I was a little confused as to why the couple seemed so comfortable discussing it, but then I read up in your responses that they have been together a long time. These two communicate very well.

Ruth Donnelly said...

Lovely writing! If this is what you cut, the rest must be amazing. :)

L'Aussie said...

I love this scene. It has a gentle feel. The dialogue is so natural. I'd love to have written it, so if this has been edited out what you kept must be amazing.

Thanks for popping by and reading my short extract. I am now following you..:)

I know what you mean about reading the blogfest entries taking time. Obviously this is a BIG one!

Christina Lee said...

Awesome! Nice writing--I'm fanning myself over here! ;-)

WritersBlockNZ said...

Wow very sexy very hot ;-) I thought it flowed great!
Thanks for your comment on mine - it was only half the scene though

Creepy Query Girl said...

Awe, I really liked this. It was emotional yet steamy at the same time. Likeable characters too and I didn't need a lot of description. good stuff!

Mary Anne Gruen said...

This is a very sweet scene. Too bad it got cut.

It's nice to see so many people in the blogfest. I didn't get a chance to read as many postings as I wanted to.

RaShelle said...

I thought the dialogue flowed well between the two. I liked the description of his first time. It felt honest. "wild hair" - perfect. All I needed to use my imagination and get a glimpse of "after" hair. =D

Write Chick said...

Wow, sexual tension without being too graphic. It really didn't seem that chopped to me. Very nice.

Patricia A. Timms said...

I'm sad that this is a cut scene. These are the types of scenes that will carry me through an otherwise boring book. I've read series books that have scenes like this in book 1 and I end up buying all 7books looking for other scenes like this one but to no avail.

Is there anything I can say to change your mind about keeping this scene? (I just thought I would try)

Great job!

Angela M. said...

I agree with the above. It's a keeper scene (well, unless you already have other scenes already just like it). I'm in the Romance and Erotica group on Writer's Digest forums, so I read a lot of excerpts with intimate scenes. This one would blow the majority of them (get your minds out of the gutter!) out of the water. It flows well, and it shows some realism because their first time wasn't magically perfect. Well done!

And I know what you mean about the big blogfest. Whew! It'll take me a few more days to get around to all of them. I make it a point to visit the blogs I follow first before searching for new blog buddies. Thank you for visiting my blog, too!

Tara said...

Angela - The scene before this is mushy enough (imo) and I did incorporate a little of this conversation into that one. Thanks so much for you kind comment!

Funny, I'd started this with the intention of it being a borderline erotic romance. Kasia herself took over and turned it into romantic suspense ;)

Patricia - I did rework some of it into the previous scene, which is similar. And, there are other like it in the WiP.

Write Chick - Thanks, that's what I was shooting for here.

RaShelle - Well, his hair is always kiinda wild. I suppose after sex and then lying on the beach it was really crazy ;)

Thanks Mary Anne.

Creepy - Thanks :)

WB - Thanks you.

Christina - Fanning yourself? Wow, thanks :)

L'Aussie - Aww, thanks so much for that. Welcome to the blog :)

Ruth - What an encouraging this to hear :)

Genie - J&K communicate like not other couple - it's their best asset. It began on the first night they met.

Callie - I checked out the contest, but I am totally not clever enough to pick a name for that cool guy. I'd probably go for Fred or Rufus, lol. Thanks for stopping by - and for the sweet comments!

Andria said...

This piece is so intense! Seriously, I'm fanning myself on the other side of the blog-world here!

I'd love to know how long it took you to write this scene. I always feel like my romance scenes take me forever to write. Sometimes I have to get up from my computer and leave the room for a minute, so I can clear my mind a bit.

Thank you for sharing this with us!

Tara said...

Thanks so much, Andria. These are the scenes that come easiest to me. In fact their first time is the first scene I sat and wrote out for this WiP. You'd probably never visit again if I told you how little time this actually took ;)

I have the same issue with the really tension packed scenes. I can only write so much then I have to get up and take a break.