Rachael, who hosted her 2nd Annual Blog Crusade, offered a challenge last week:
My Show Not Tell Challenge: In 300 words or less, write a passage (it can be an excerpt from your WIP, flash fiction, a poem, or any other writing) that shows (rather than tells) the following:
- you're scared and hungry
- it's dusk
- you think someone is following you
- and just for fun, see if you can involve all five senses AND include these random words: shimmer, saccadic, substance, and salt.
Tara Watson (c)2010
Icy cold stabs of fear prickled down my spine at the calm smile spreading on Nikolai’s face.
"I'd like you to know something." He smiled wider, eyes sharp, piercing and I was sure I didn’t want to know whatever was coming.
"He just killed the rock star.”
I stared into his face, blank.
Nikolai shoved the box of sweetbreads off the desk and they landed into my lap. Tiny pieces of broken bread littered the ground around me. Icing smeared across my skirt as some slid to the floor, the scent of chocolate teasing my hunger. When I looked back up, he laughed.
“Shot your boyfriend through his head. Do you understand?”
The rock star. Your boyfriend.
"No!" I jumped up, screaming, as every strand of my existence unraveled, thread by agonizing thread.
Nausea poured into my stomach and the walls whirred around as I clawed at the desk hoping to keep myself up. I vomited just before the world fell out from under me.
Somewhere in the distance, Nikolai began a tirade of horrid Russian names for women.
The back of my head throbbed, hair being ripped out strand by strand, as someone yanked me to my feet. The motion snapped my head back and Frankenstein's angry face hovered above. My legs numb, I had to hold his arm to keep from falling back to the ground. I finally gripped the edge of the desk and he let me go, but only long enough to land a backhand across my left cheek. My head hit the side of the desk the same time my rear hit the floor.