Wednesday

First Campaigner Challenge

Rachael Harrie has come up with a great challenge to kick off the Campaign:

Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.

If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: "the door swung shut." (also included in the word count)

For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!

In the Closet - 200 words (entry #243)


The door swung open and I sucked in one last breath. The room was small—it wouldn’t take long for them to figure it out.

Tap, tap, tap. Loud shoes were good, and bad. I’d know where they were at all times. But they weren’t idiot thugs in sneakers.

Just as I’d thought, they went to the guard first. They’d find his keys still on him then my time would be up.

Two armed men. One gun. Three bullets.

I never missed, though. Never.

“The closet.” The man didn’t bother to whisper.

Tap, tap, tap.

My hand squeezed tighter over the girl’s mouth. She bit me. I didn’t flinch. Didn’t even let out my breath. She needed to be behind me, though, so I let go of her mouth and pushed her backwards. She kept quiet, which meant she believed my warning at least.

God, if I only knew their heights-

One.

Two.

Three.

The girl screamed, recoiling against the wall.

I bent to check pulses, finding none. The shorter guy should be thankful I never missed. Bleeding out wasn’t a pretty way to go.

I tugged the girl’s sleeve and urged her outside. Behind us, the door swung shut.
 



65 comments:

Sarah Pearson said...

Oh yes! More please :-)

Miranda Hardy said...

Very nice. It left you wondering what was going on. Good luck with the challenge.

Anne Gallagher said...

LOL AGAIN with a gun! If I didn't know you as a mom I'd swear you were a Goodfella!!!

Great job.

Linda G. said...

Nicely done! But good guy or bad guy? Now you've got me wondering!

Tara said...

Hehe, Anne, you must show up for all these scenes. I think I mostly end up with too much mushy stuff when I do scenes on the blog!

Linda - Good...girl. Just a take-off of one of my MC's.

I'm terrible at flash fiction, and pretty much skipped the tension that should be there to get the words in.

Thanks everyone. :-)

Jess said...

Oh my gosh I love that! It kept me wanting more! Great job! (New follower by the way!)
Nice to meet you!

Christine Danek said...

Love this. I want more!

Zan Marie said...

I still love it! You've got the goods with Kaisa. She's so strong when at work. Love it! Love it! Love it!

Slamdunk said...

Well done Tara. I like how you jump into the action and end with it still moving.

Joanna said...

Love the intrigue, Tara. You keep the momentum up the entire time. great piece

Old Kitty said...

WOW!!! I love the action and the tension and what an ending! Brilliant!! Well done you!! Take care
x

Lola Sharp said...

Loved this. :)

David Powers King said...

That was intense from beginning to end, and THANK YOU for having the guy bare the pain of the girl's bite. The other end of the spectrum I've seen far too much.

Great job, Tara! :)

kmckendry said...

Wow that was exciting! I definitely want to read more! I'm a fellow campaigner and a new follower. :)

L.G.Smith said...

Very nice! Great tension and action. Liked the voice, too. Very confident.

allie said...

Nicely built tension and intriguing character you have there.

raelynbarclay said...

Awesome. You ramped up the tension well. And man, I hope he (she?) is a good guy! I want to read more :)

Cheryl said...

This is great, you convey a lot in those 200 words, personality, danger, tension. Loved it. :)

JD said...

This was great. I love being dropped into the action at the very beginning.

Jocelyn Rish said...

Excellent! I love that I started out feeling worried and anxious for the MC, and then halfway you swerved making me wonder if s/he was the bad guy.

Angelina Rain said...

So is he a good guy or a bad guy? I need more. More I tell you!

julie fedderson said...

Great tension in this! I could nearly feel her being bitten (I'm assuming her--love a girl who's good with a gun). Great job!

rebeccaenzor said...

Excellent! Cool headed and calm in the face of danger. I loved it (so did the gun-toting character in my scene - thanks for stopping by!).

Scott Stillwell said...

Great impact--like a one-two-three punch!

Deniz Bevan said...

Amazing! I wish there was a sequel!

Alleged Author said...

I loved that the MC was protecting a girl. Too cool!

AllMyPosts said...

Wow!!

The spirit of the story was building all the way!! cool one!!

with warm regards
Another Author

Holly L'Oiseau said...

That was both frightening and creepy! Way to go!

Angela Orlowski-Peart said...

Great tension, a lot of action in such piece. Wonderful!

Adam Collings said...

Very exciting.
This would make a great scene in a novel.

Meredith said...

How creepy! I want more! Sounds like I would like this MC. :)

AliB said...

Great story Tara - lots of suspense, well-handled.
AliB

D.J. Kirkby said...

Fantastic rescue story! More please.

glitterword said...

If those guys were after the girl then why were they after her? Does she know something? or does she have something?

I have questions... Good story.

glitterword said...

If those guys were after the girl then why were they after her? Does she know something? or does she have something?

I have questions... Good story.

Melanie M. said...

You've got me wanting more. Great job Tara.

bridget said...

I want to know what the relationship is between the gun slinger and the girl. Is he (I'm guessing its a he)the godd guy or bad? Nice job. Mine is #72

Jani said...

It's got a nice, tension-filled pace. It's great!

Mary Mary said...

Nice! I really like this! Good luck in the challenge!

Kerry Freeman said...

That is great! I love the auditory description. Great work!

Chris Eboch said...

Fun story! I’m in Group 43 - Romantic Suspense. Let me know if you want to trade guest posts.

Write Like a Pro! A Free Online Writing Workshop: http://chriseboch.blogspot.com/

Julie Coulter Bellon said...

Wow! Great scene! Loved how you kept up the tension.

(Hello from a fellow campaigner!) :)

Angelina C. Hansen said...

That was fast-paced and gripping. Great piece.

Leah said...

The pacing, my god, the pacing! I envy you. Very well done, Tara.

Holly Vance said...

I could totally hear the tapping footsteps.

Mel Corbett said...

Wow! Totally pulled me in. I want to know if he's a good guy or a bad guy. Very strong writing.

Melissa Dean said...

This piece pulled me into the story. I wanted to know more. Who's the girl? Is the shooter good or bad? Great piece!

Fellow campaigner and new follower. Mine is #346! Good Luck!

Melissa Dean said...

CONGRATULATIONS! You have been shortlisted as one of the top 5 to move on to stage two. There will be a semi-final (stage three) and a final (stage four).

I judged this round and found your piece to be exceptional! Congrats!

Tara said...

I've been responding through email, but for those of you who don't have your email linked to your blogs - thank you all so much for the warm words. They mean a lot.

For anyone wondering: MC is female, she's FBI, and she's from my novel, Roulette, but this is not an actual scene from the story.

Can't believe there are almost 400 entries! I've been to about 100 others, and plan on getting to as many as possible in the next few days. If I haven't commented on yours, I haven't been there.

Tara said...

Melissa, I, er, um. I'm pretty speechless. Thank you. Very much.

Jen Daiker said...

Wow, wow, wow! You've left me with so many delicious questions! What a wonderful blog! I'm so glad I was given the opportunity to stop in and visit!!! What a great piece. I'm looking forward to seeing more of you!!

Alica McKenna Johnson said...

Very good- wishing there was more.

Steph Schmidt said...

Wow very suspenseful! An interesting take on using the required door that I hadn't thought of. Great job bouncing between the character's thoughts, back story and the present action.

kineticwriting/juliet said...

yes, more please. Nicely done!

Ron Smith said...

Very gripping.I really liked it.

Jaye Viner said...

Hello. Thanks for visiting. I really like your quotes on the navigation. Our quotable ancestry certainly lends a nice touch to any project.

Kathi Oram Peterson said...

Great hook!

Just stopped by to say hi to a fellow campaigner. I'm in your RS group.

Kathi

PaulaSJwriter said...

Very nice, Tara. Good tension, and it builds very well.

mooderino said...

Heart-pounding stuff. Good work.

mood
(new follower from your adult fiction group)
Moody Writing
@mooderino

tessgrant said...

Nice one, Tara. No wonder you're in the thriller-suspense group with me. I like the tight short sentences. They communicate the urgency. Well done.

Linda Gray said...

Hi Tara, I'm a fellow Campaigner (Suspense/Thriller), just getting around at last to say hello to everyone. Congrats on meeting the Challenge. Nice job! So glad to have found your blog.

Candy Fite said...

Your pacing was superb! Great entry!

roh morgon said...

That was friggin' awesome!

Long time no talky - glad to see you back.

roh morgon said...

Er...

I left a comment yesterday, but it seems to have disappeared into e-land...

Anyhow, this piece is awesome! Love the tension, the pacing, the I-wanna-know-what-happens-next feeling.

Nice work!

Claire said...

Wow, exciting. I really enjoyed this. I think he's a good guy :)
I'm a new blogger and now I'm a new follower :)